This ain’t your grandma’s race report: Rated PG!
Under partially cloudy skies and cool temperatures the first race of the Urban Cyclocross Series got underway in Palos Verdes Estates.
First up was the Category 4 Men’s race. The course is used for cross country running. There are several narrow areas that make passing difficult if not impossible. During the warmup laps I found the secret line thru the water crossing at the top of the climb. Immediately after a barrier at the top of the climb there was a small creek that was bordered with cinder blocks hidden under palm tree fronds and leaves. Upon seeing this I took a few steps onto the cinder blocks and found that they were stable and able to be stomped on at race pace. The course was a bit sticky due to a shower the day before. I got in 3 laps before the race and felt good.
At the starting line I went to the front and took charge of position #1. Nobody seemed to care that I snaked 1/2 the field to get the prime spot. All is fair in love and cross. Once the whistle blew I starting hammering! I saw a couple guys on my right making a good run to the first turn so I increased the heat and immediately slipped out of both pedals and launched onto the handle bars nearly licking my front tire. I got back into shape and kept the motherfucker upright. Once I got my feet back on I was in about 8th. Have no fear – the Mighty P.A. is here – I easily passed some pussies in front of me and got into 5th place thru a chicane that made the pussies ride the brakes while I pedaled. Things got really interesting at this point. Immediately after the chicane the course went straight for about 30 feet and then took a hard hairpin right turn. Mr. Brainy in 1st place turned sharply to the right BEFORE the turn thinking that he was at the actual turn when he was actually turning right after a stake that was holding up the course marking tape. 2nd place lemming piled into 1st place Mr. Brainy. 3rd place lemming piled into 2nd place lemming. 4th place lemming piled into 3rd place lemming. The Mighty P.A. took charge! Realizing that this Blues Brothers re-enactment was my moment to attack I put the motherfucker into overdrive and sprinted hard away from the pile up. As the course went up up up hill along Via Coronel I couldn’t hear anyone behind me at first. After a minute or so I could hear some shifting behind me which meant I was under attack! Fuck this shit, I started cranking harder and harder nearing the summit of the climb. At the barrier I hopped off and crossed the water using my secret method. This kept my feet dry every lap! There was a small run up after the water. As I remounted I glanced back and 2nd place was right there. The course takes a long downhill speed run at this point. Utilizing my fearless descending techniques I cranked it up and went for it. Scaring the shit out of myself going down the run I maintained 1st place. The course has a nice scary off camber left turn at the bottom of the downhill section that requires high speed. I made it around this and kept the lead to the big run up. Mr. 2nd place got past me here. I ran up the climb and kept 2nd spot all the way to the start/finish line. So far I was feeling like a pimp being in 2nd for the 1st lap. That has never happened for me in a cross race. As we ground out the 2nd lap I could feel the pressure coming on from the chasers. I was able to maintain 2nd spot for most of the 2nd lap. One guy went by putting me in 3rd. On the 3rd lap normalcy returned to my dream like race. I got passed by 4 or 5 guys all within 30 feet on the long climb. So I was now running in 9th place and maintained that until the 2nd to the last lap. I was able to chase down and pass one of the speedies that got me earlier. Take that motherfucker! I ended up in 8th place and received a very Gaylord Focker-style 8th place participant ribbon.
After this glorious display of two-wheeled fun I had the pleasure of getting into the single speed race after about a 7 minute rest. I instantly got left behind due to being tired as fuck and also riding my ss mtb which is no match for the lightweight ss cross bikes. I kept my focus and stayed on the gas and passed up two racers and ended up 7th out of maybe 13 or 14 riders (maybe less – updates to come when the results are posted).
That’s it until this coming weekend when the SoCalCross Prestige Series Race #3 goes down somewhere in LA!
